A few years ago I was a little short on cash, so I came up with a voucher type system for my partner to use when the strings were a little looser. I thought of all the things I could get them for their birthday and let them decide.
On this your xth year on planet Earth, we congratulate you and hereby release the following list of entitlements issued to you for use at your discretion. These entitlements have been granted to you on receipt of your xth birthday and not for any other purpose.
To use any entitlement you must first submit an application for a permit to the relevant local authority. An application for funding from local government must also be approved.
Conditions of permit for entitlement:
- Entitlements are to be met in the proceeding calendar year, commencing at 6am on the actual date of Friday ddmmyyyy. The conditions are valid until 12am of the same date the following year.
- No extensions will be granted except for where inclement weather or insufficient funds applies. You will be notified of these occurrences.
- A separate permit must be sought for each entitlement.
- A submission fee on 1 hug applies to each lodgement.
- Once approval has been issued you have 7 days to claim your entitlement.
- You must issue your right to these entitlements either at the time that they may occur, or issue a declaration to use the entitlement with sufficient warning.
- All entitlements are subject to change by the relevant local authority. You must contact council directly for any amendments.
- Entitlements are valid only to the person to whom this letter is addressed.
- Should any entitlements not be taken, they will be forfeited, and there will be no refund applicable.
- There are no concessions, or exchanges applicable.
- Amendments to an entitlement permit may be sought prior to the time the entitlement is being granted.
You may select a total of 3 entitlements only from the following:
- 1 bike water bottle and holder.
- 1 cake (whole) from that shop on Brunswick st, Fitzroy, or equivalent (excluding Brunetti’s)
- 1 meal (lunch or dinner) at your choice of restaurant on Victoria St, Richmond)
- 1 Danish pastry from Degani Bakery, Clifton Hill or Sugardough, East Brunswick
- 1 calamari meal at the Town Hall pub, North Melbourne
- 1 pint real English ale from a pub not yet visited
- 1 robot (any size) from Neo-Tokyo (or equivalent)
- 1 record/cd from Heartland, North Melbourne
- 1 record from Rocking Horse, Brisbane CBD
- 1 comic book/graphic novel from Minotaur, Melbourne CBD
- 1 figure from Forbidden Planet online
- 1 book from Readings (or equivalent)
- 1 meal taken from Sarah’s Tried & Tested cookbook
- 1 home baked item of your choice (cake, cookie or slice)
- A selection of meats from Queen Victoria market
- A selection of cheeses from Queen Victoria Market or relevant cheese proprietor
- A set of drawing pens from Deans Art
- 1 trip to Villi’s cafe, Adelaide
- 1 photo, enlarged & professionally framed
- 1 concert t-shirt
- 1 danish hot chocolate
- 1 dvd from chosen site online, or if not successful, ABC shop
- 1 music or art magazine from Mag Nation, or equivalent
- 1 website design
- 1 pet axolotyl with tank
- 1 trip to Mornington Peninsula including stops at the Danish Bakery (Frankston); the Danish hotdog stall in Sorrento, any winery (including tastings) or any cheese store passed.
- 1 back scrub
- 1 trip to a national park or precinct, all expenses paid (including travel and meal allowance)
- 1 Mighty Boosh series 3 action DVD (subject to release date)
- 30 text messages or emails typed up by your dictation
- 1 breakfast at a location previously unvisited
- 1 dinner at SOS (sustainable seafood restaurant)
- 1 picnic in a park of choice
- 1 movie ticket (applicable at Nova Carlton or Palace Westgarth)
- 10 Bass guitar lessons
- 1 weekend sans washing
- 1 bike ride to your choice of destination
- 1 bottle of Danish export Akvavit
- 1 tie pin & 1 handkerchief
- 1 home made shirt
- 1 strap or chain for the neck
- 1 pocket watch
- 1 hair cut or face shave at barber of choice
- 1 dictionary or thesaurus, new
- 1 computer game, new
Signed and declared on behalf of the relevant local authority